The Puzzle

Sometimes life comes in pieces and you’re left to figure out what goes where and how to fit each component in its right place to promote function and stability.   It’s like one of those presents you get that has to be put together with the instructions from hell that are absolutely no help at all so you wind up looking at the picture on the cover to estimate and try to figure out where everything goes.  Life isn't always that predictable—sometimes the pieces fit right into place and then others take some prying and jamming and smashing to get them into where they are supposed to be.  Things happen to change us, to stretch us out of proportion and when that happens we always want to fit back into the square we fell out of, but no matter how hard we work to get back in, we just can’t find the key, the magic solution to put us back.  In life there are changes, there are events and circumstances that seem to pull us apart; like throw us into the dryer and when we come out, we are just not the same as when we went in.  So does that mean we are not as good because we’re different?  Does that mean we have to work hard to fix the difference?  Sometimes we see us in a certain point of our lives, our happy days,  and feel like that was it, that was when I was at my best and that is where I want to get back to.  Then we set the course, make the plan build the boat that will get us back there.  We remind ourselves of how good we were back then and we put up a picture and promise ourselves that this is where we will be once again in a given amount of time. But I have to wonder, is that where we need to be heading? 

 Is it ever good to turn around and go back? 

Circumstances change us.  Not everyone is a stress eater; not everyone is given to stuffing their feelings under pizza and cake, ice cream and cookies.  But everyone has situations in their lives that force them to cope and it doesn't matter what mechanism we choose to help us get through our problems, the result is usually the same.  We wind up in a hole unhappy, very dissatisfied and looking for a way out.  So we make promises to ourselves and we try to find the solution to our problem; there are many paths to take and many people standing there holding the perfect solution to get you out of your rut, but the truth of the matter is there is only one person holding the answer, only one person with the capability of pulling you out and that is you. 

It’s hard to see the full picture, when you nose is up against the canvas. 

You usually have to take a few steps back to see what’s there and when you do, you gain perspective.  What happened two years ago, where it put me, how it affected me, the pain it caused me—when I walked through that dark tunnel of time I felt so out of it, so hopeless and disconnected, but when I look back on it and see how it began and where it brought me to, suddenly I understand that it was not all for naught—it helped to mold me and make me into who I am today.  I look back and see myself on the outside and I  am upset with myself for the weight gain, the loss of health, the wasted time I spent in that hole of depression and I slap myself around for not being strong enough, smart enough to get myself out.  But then I see through the outer layers and I recognize something in me that I never quite noticed before—my strength and capability.  Somewhere in the middle of all that darkness and despair I thought I was lost and beyond hope, I felt like I would never survive or escape its borders, but I was wrong.    I look at everything going on with me, around me and I wonder how I ever made it through the hopeless haze.  Then I realize one very important detail—I am not the wimp that I once thought I was;  there is strength in me not the super hero kind that can leap tall buildings in a single bound but the kind that can go through hell and come out alive and more importantly stronger than before. 

           There is always a silver lining but it doesn't always shimmer and shine to the eye of the beholder, sometimes you have to fall on it to find it. 

I believe in destiny.  I believe things happen for a reason and in the end they always fall into place.  Life sometimes comes in pieces that we have to fit together, but at times our perfect lives are pieced together until one day something happens to make it fall apart.  When that happens we need to work at putting everything back together again but don’t be surprised if some of the pieces don’t fit back into the spots where you think they belong.  Sometimes there are piece of us that grow beyond their former space and it is important for us to see the difference and celebrate it—then move on to the bigger picture. 

The Boiling Pot

They say a watched pot never boils; it is an exercise of aggravation because when you are waiting for something to occur, it just seems like time stands still and nothing happens; at least not as quickly as you need it to.  Life will always hand you boiling pot situations and no matter how hard you stare at it, now matter how important it is for that pot to start boiling—it just won’t happen at the snap of your fingers or the bend of you will. 

It makes no difference how you got into the situation you want to get out of or in the condition you need to change anything of value takes time. 

Personally, it seems like the two years it took to build my unhealthy mess went by in a flash—I don’t even remember gaining weight, I blamed most of my inability to move on arthritis and pain.  I thought I’d lost my ability to cope but the truth of the matter is I was coping, just doing it in an unhealthy way.  So when I came to the end of the tunnel, and saw the light of reality, I looked at the mess that it had taken me two years to make and wished I could will away.  But you cannot invite an elephant to dinner and not feed it—I had to pay the piper and it will take a while to fix the mess I created.  One of the things that upsets me the most in my predicament is knowing the time it will take to fix my problem.  I think this is why the weight loss industry is such a booming business, they offer quick fixes, pills, shakes, sprinkle doo dahs that promise to make you fuller and eat less and so many supplements now that boast of miraculous components that will make you thin; lose 30 pounds in 30 day schemes are advertised on street corners—all because we are in a hurry to fix our issues and choose to ignore the fact that if it didn't come on over night, it certainly won’t slide off overnight.  Since I’ve began my weight loss journey I have been approached countless times by people selling their products—some of them are in a business and trying to make money but I know some of them have a heart and are trying to help.  I have heard speeches about how this formula really works and it will get you thin in less than six months—no one can make that promise and expect to keep it.  Oh it’s true, some of these guys have lost well over 100 pounds in six months, but what about the ones who struggle to lose four pounds a month?  What about the faithful workers of health and hope who strive tirelessly to create a better life for themselves and don’t even see a loss in one month.  Does that make them any less successful?  Does that put them below the bar?  Their pot of water may not be boiling in the ninety seconds promised—so does that mean they dump it and forget about their plans, their ideals, their future? 

I am inclined to believe that the impatient souls in life are the ones who rush through things and try to make a deal with time to short cut themselves into success.

  It cannot be done, because somewhere along the way, there will be stops, there will be delays, there will be lessons to learn about getting it right—you cannot rush perfection—it comes to us one day at a time; one precious lesson at a time, with tears of recognition and belief we rebuild what we helped to destroy and in the long run, we are the better for it.