Letting Go of the Hurt

                      Relationships are the glue in life that binds us to the things we love.

 I have always been very passionate in relationships and find it very hard to let go of a relationship especially when it is hurting me.  About a year ago, I had to let go of a lot of hurt and pain and I thought the only way to do it was to let go of the relationships.  Losing important people in my life was painful, but waiting for them to treat me the way I believe I deserved to be treated was even more painful.   So I let them go--picked up the love I felt for them, the agony I went through on a daily basis because of the way they were treating me, dis-respecting me, misjudging me--I bundled it all up in a ball and held it for one last time, hoping and praying that it was not forever and the pain they were causing me, the rift that had grown between us was only temporary and I threw it away.  But I must say that when I finally let go of those hurt feelings, the distress it brought me to feel alienated and cast aside was enough at that time to make me want to let them go.  As long as I was fighting the feelings of betrayal, resentment, anguish--I could not fix the problem that was in me.  Once I let go of what I thought was the problem, I saw that it was only a symptom of the problem.

The core of my trouble was in me.

 I am a needy person—I know that’s not cool, but I need attention, I need affection, I need affirmations and when I don’t get them I get a little nuts.  Not everybody is like me, they go on with their business, they don’t think obsessively, try to figure everything out, wonder why he said that?  Or, there must be a reason she did that!  It is my nature, I am indeed OCD and a little emotional.  Oh, alright, maybe I am a lot emotional and I don’t always need to be.   I realize that I created a lot of the problems that were destroying me.  I misunderstood things, took them to heart—let a comment or a harsh word bury me.  People say things all of the time that they are sorry for; it’s the heat of the moment that sometimes brings out the worst in all of us.  Usually, if you are not the thinker that I am accustomed to being, you can let the words go—even the ones that hit you in the heart like an arrow of hate and make you hurt like nobody’s business.  If you can be patient and wait for the sorrow to hit, those words will turn to barb wire in the mouth of the person who threw them at you and soon they will regret it and want to make amends. 

Not everyone knows how to say I’m sorry.

                It is often necessary to mend the hurts that we create, but some people don’t know how to say they are sorry.  It is beyond their ability to realize that they have created a mess, a hurt, an offense and often when they do, they rely on time to fix the pain that they have created.  This is not as it should be, but let’s face it, life is not always the way it is supposed to be and we sometimes have to make concessions.  So when you need that apology and it does not come, don’t hold on to the pain, the anger, the resentment.  The longer you do, the more you hurt.  It will destroy you.  Letting go of the agony of an attack against you, especially from someone you love dearly, is often the best thing for you to do.   You may never hear the words you wish for, you may never get the satisfaction of the apology that you really deserve but you must relinquish yourself from the anguish of carrying that offense.  Let it go, pack up all of the pain, the hurt feelings, the bitterness and resentment that it caused and roll it into a ball and throw it as far away from you as you can muster.  Once it’s gone, you can move on. 

                We are not responsible for anybody but ourselves.

                We want them to do the right thing, we want them to see the basic rules in life and follow them, but it doesn't always pan out that way.  Do not think for a moment that you can convince anyone to do what you think they need to do.  The only person that you can fix, is yourself.  The only power you have to make changes and bring about the reformations necessary in life, is the power you have to change yourself.  Don’t ever make the mistake of thinking you can force someone to see the truth and live by it.  The only person capable of taking the truth and letting it work a miracle in life is YOU.  Do the work, find the truth, make the changes and then celebrate the triumph in you.  Once you do, all of the relationships in your life will fall into place, not because they have found harmony with you, but because you have found peace with yourself.